I am so...blessed to be with the person I find myself loving right now. I don't know any other way to describe it but "blessed", which is not a word I use often.
Let's linger over the breakfast I had this morning, since I wasn't able to linger over it in real time. Such a beautiful person across from me as I snarfed re-heated red river cereal sprinkled with brown sugar, just a little more gussied up with stale raisins...
How fucking cool is it that someone listens to me when I speak, thinks about the things I have to say and then helps me come up with a plan? I don't think I've ever been so well-supported...my mother definitely comes to mind when I say that, but her form of support has always been more in the way of getting me do it by myself...nothing like running to mummy when I have troubles eating breakfast in the morning...she raised me to be super-independent and for that I'm grateful, but I have the shortfalls as do we all...she was actually the person who did not force me into the morning meal, believing (correctly) that I could make my own choices about food.
Unfortunately, my decision-making in the breakfast regard has not evolved much since I was nine years old and I find myself often loath to wake up at a reasonable time to get the early sustenance.
Yes, life is good when there's a partner available to help with the responsible decision-making shenanigans...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
ghetto picnic breakfast
I had severe fear this morning and so stayed in bed with my lover until about 11:30am when I realized I had lunch plans with my dj friend. !!! I phoned her with toothbrush in my mouth and re-directed her to Corydon Village where she picked me up within 15 minutes of my call.
I wore my favourite long-sleeve blue shirt with the only pair of black slacks that fit me properly. (Though they're still fastened with the safety pin - first time I wore them in June of 2008 the clasp broke and I've never bothered with needle and thread. Do you see why I get the fear?) Of course, this outfit is incomplete without my pinwheel silk neckerchief which I wore closely tied to my throat to hopefully help me with bravery...
It turned out that instead of the chips and pop promised yesterday by my lunch companion, she brought leftovers from her bf's untimely excursion to Affinity of the night before...so we munched cold chili soya strips, kung pao gluten and tofu chow mein still in their takeout containers.
om nom nom breakfast at drizzly Bruce Park in Winnipeg. I love grey weather on green foliage.
I wore my favourite long-sleeve blue shirt with the only pair of black slacks that fit me properly. (Though they're still fastened with the safety pin - first time I wore them in June of 2008 the clasp broke and I've never bothered with needle and thread. Do you see why I get the fear?) Of course, this outfit is incomplete without my pinwheel silk neckerchief which I wore closely tied to my throat to hopefully help me with bravery...
It turned out that instead of the chips and pop promised yesterday by my lunch companion, she brought leftovers from her bf's untimely excursion to Affinity of the night before...so we munched cold chili soya strips, kung pao gluten and tofu chow mein still in their takeout containers.
om nom nom breakfast at drizzly Bruce Park in Winnipeg. I love grey weather on green foliage.
Monday, June 29, 2009
back at the old job
I've been back at the old job for probably exactly two months now - couldn't hack the shit at MB so I ditched and came back to good ol' CGK. Nothing much has changed here - still shitty at showing up every day and/or on time, still shaking with rage when the crap typewriter will only return with my impatient assistance, still bristling with outrage when one of the pigs I work with pees on the toilet seat.
The breakfast thing ain't happening, either; I sort of shacked up temporarily with the new gf, so breakfasts are usually pathetically haphazard and/or just don't happen. I'm moving on Wednesday and have resolved to get back into the baked beans and bannock habit, as well as miso soup breakfasts, once I've started sleeping at the new homestead... Wish me luck.
The breakfast thing ain't happening, either; I sort of shacked up temporarily with the new gf, so breakfasts are usually pathetically haphazard and/or just don't happen. I'm moving on Wednesday and have resolved to get back into the baked beans and bannock habit, as well as miso soup breakfasts, once I've started sleeping at the new homestead... Wish me luck.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
new job - not good for breakfasts
Strange, but starting a new job is not conducive to maintaining old, second-nature routines, let alone barely-established routines like my breakfast-eating regime.
I've managed to eat something each day for breakfast these past two months, but I'm not finding any of it satisfying at all, not the way I used to enjoy these morning meals. Maybe the novelty's worn off, but somehow I doubt it. It's just not the same here at the stupidest workplace ever, in any respect and especially respecting breakfast.
I am exaggerating here, but fuck, this place really sucks. I've become accustomed to a whole other world, a non-unionized world, in which breakfast on the job was a sneaky luxury and an unexpected privilege afforded to me only because I was a barracuda working for a barracuda. Here, breakfast is an empty coping mechanism. I can either eat breakfast while working on the two things I have to do all day and then have NOTHING to do all day after breakfast, or eat breakfast and do nothing but eat breakfast, then do the two things I need to do and then have nothing to do. Not much of a difference there, is there? No stolen bites in between urgent phone calls. No sly nibbles during dictation. No mouth stuffed full during filing duties. I miss my old life at the law firm, I have to say. This is a sorry excuse for a career.
In an attempt to rekindle my interest in the novelty that is breakfast-dining, I've tried a new recipe for baked beans. Post Punk Kitchen directed me to it. The recipe calls for nutritional yeast and liquid smoke. I was quite excited about it, but having made it and allowed half a pot to mold in the fridge this past week, it's not what I'd call earth-shatteringly delicious, not irresistible the way my other beans are. There's all sorts of exciting ingredients in these "punk beans", totally going beyond my usual simple but thrilling trinity of caramelized onions, green pepper and tomatoes posed against the beans bathed molasses, vinegar and chili powder. I have to say, simplicity kicks nooch, smoke and dry mustard's asses when it comes to baked beans.
Although, at about the same time as the punk beans disappointment, I allowed a gorgeous pumpkin scone to go stale on the kitchen table, not because it wasn't delicious, simply because I've lost my breakfast mojo. This is how disinterested in breakfast I've become. I've found that any kind of dough can usually serve as a sure attractant for the morning meal; I can't generally resist toast of any kind, bannock is a serious temptation, and since I first made it I thought this pumpkin scone could become a new problem for me, a real vice. Not so. The stale evidence is languishing in the freezer. I didn't have the heart to throw it away just yet.
I've been subsisting on an admittedly delicious morning diet of fruits: bananas, grapefruits and Ateulf mangoes. While I find it tedious to chop and peel and chew these fibre-rich, vitamin-laden natural "fast foods", I have to say they've saved my ass and my blood sugar for the past week or two.
To end this more positively, one thing I do love about the morning now is the barley coffee I've discovered. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've pretty much dropped the caffeine habit. I'm no longer dependent on a daily cup of coffee. Now I drink a roasted grains beverage with Silk creamer, the taste of which is not unlike instant coffee, though it's caffeine-free and not riddled with obscure chemicals. I first discovered barley coffee in the form of an expired jar of the Oskri brand, lurking behind some more popular products at Organic Planet. I bought it in curiosity and did not experiment with it until very recently, when I realized I was almost desperate enough with this new employment to fall into the old familiar pits of manageable addiction: coffee, weed and cigarettes. I knew morning coffee would be my gateway to post-work hoots and all-day cigarettes and so I dug my fingernails in, recommitted to my new clean and clear lifestyle and mixed myself a cup of Caf-Lib and Silk. Lo!! I've gone through three jars in two months and I'm eagerly gulping my way through a fourth jar, no stopping me now! There is a definite psychological need in me, a very real craving for the comfort that comes with the clutching of a beaker of hot, dark, creamy beverage. While often fooling me chemically, mateine-containing Yerba Mate does not meet the requirements of my morning psyche. Barley Coffee, all the way.
I have a new batch of beans soaking and waiting for preparation tonight. I'm going to try to make these motherfuckers so good my toes will curl when I eat them. I'm also going to have to look into diversifying: I've got a lot of breakfast food recipes I've never tried. I suppose this is the time to do some experimenting. Also need to just wake up earlier and enjoy breakfast at home. As painful as it will probably turn out to be to be: sit down and relax into the meal in my beautiful kitchen, the radio tuned to my satisfaction, the spring light sinking into me as I dine, only to have to tear myself away from such perfection in order to attend at this shithole version of a job. Hopefully by the time I've started enjoying breakfast again, I'll be starting a better job at a fantastic location.
I've managed to eat something each day for breakfast these past two months, but I'm not finding any of it satisfying at all, not the way I used to enjoy these morning meals. Maybe the novelty's worn off, but somehow I doubt it. It's just not the same here at the stupidest workplace ever, in any respect and especially respecting breakfast.
I am exaggerating here, but fuck, this place really sucks. I've become accustomed to a whole other world, a non-unionized world, in which breakfast on the job was a sneaky luxury and an unexpected privilege afforded to me only because I was a barracuda working for a barracuda. Here, breakfast is an empty coping mechanism. I can either eat breakfast while working on the two things I have to do all day and then have NOTHING to do all day after breakfast, or eat breakfast and do nothing but eat breakfast, then do the two things I need to do and then have nothing to do. Not much of a difference there, is there? No stolen bites in between urgent phone calls. No sly nibbles during dictation. No mouth stuffed full during filing duties. I miss my old life at the law firm, I have to say. This is a sorry excuse for a career.
In an attempt to rekindle my interest in the novelty that is breakfast-dining, I've tried a new recipe for baked beans. Post Punk Kitchen directed me to it. The recipe calls for nutritional yeast and liquid smoke. I was quite excited about it, but having made it and allowed half a pot to mold in the fridge this past week, it's not what I'd call earth-shatteringly delicious, not irresistible the way my other beans are. There's all sorts of exciting ingredients in these "punk beans", totally going beyond my usual simple but thrilling trinity of caramelized onions, green pepper and tomatoes posed against the beans bathed molasses, vinegar and chili powder. I have to say, simplicity kicks nooch, smoke and dry mustard's asses when it comes to baked beans.
Although, at about the same time as the punk beans disappointment, I allowed a gorgeous pumpkin scone to go stale on the kitchen table, not because it wasn't delicious, simply because I've lost my breakfast mojo. This is how disinterested in breakfast I've become. I've found that any kind of dough can usually serve as a sure attractant for the morning meal; I can't generally resist toast of any kind, bannock is a serious temptation, and since I first made it I thought this pumpkin scone could become a new problem for me, a real vice. Not so. The stale evidence is languishing in the freezer. I didn't have the heart to throw it away just yet.
I've been subsisting on an admittedly delicious morning diet of fruits: bananas, grapefruits and Ateulf mangoes. While I find it tedious to chop and peel and chew these fibre-rich, vitamin-laden natural "fast foods", I have to say they've saved my ass and my blood sugar for the past week or two.
To end this more positively, one thing I do love about the morning now is the barley coffee I've discovered. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I've pretty much dropped the caffeine habit. I'm no longer dependent on a daily cup of coffee. Now I drink a roasted grains beverage with Silk creamer, the taste of which is not unlike instant coffee, though it's caffeine-free and not riddled with obscure chemicals. I first discovered barley coffee in the form of an expired jar of the Oskri brand, lurking behind some more popular products at Organic Planet. I bought it in curiosity and did not experiment with it until very recently, when I realized I was almost desperate enough with this new employment to fall into the old familiar pits of manageable addiction: coffee, weed and cigarettes. I knew morning coffee would be my gateway to post-work hoots and all-day cigarettes and so I dug my fingernails in, recommitted to my new clean and clear lifestyle and mixed myself a cup of Caf-Lib and Silk. Lo!! I've gone through three jars in two months and I'm eagerly gulping my way through a fourth jar, no stopping me now! There is a definite psychological need in me, a very real craving for the comfort that comes with the clutching of a beaker of hot, dark, creamy beverage. While often fooling me chemically, mateine-containing Yerba Mate does not meet the requirements of my morning psyche. Barley Coffee, all the way.
I have a new batch of beans soaking and waiting for preparation tonight. I'm going to try to make these motherfuckers so good my toes will curl when I eat them. I'm also going to have to look into diversifying: I've got a lot of breakfast food recipes I've never tried. I suppose this is the time to do some experimenting. Also need to just wake up earlier and enjoy breakfast at home. As painful as it will probably turn out to be to be: sit down and relax into the meal in my beautiful kitchen, the radio tuned to my satisfaction, the spring light sinking into me as I dine, only to have to tear myself away from such perfection in order to attend at this shithole version of a job. Hopefully by the time I've started enjoying breakfast again, I'll be starting a better job at a fantastic location.
Monday, February 16, 2009
good start
I had a good start to the day, albeit a late one. Made my usual baked beans last night and awoke at 7:15 am today to turn off the oven then went back to bed until 12:15 pm. Fuck it, it's Louis Riel Day and I have only afternoon plans.
So I got up, had a long cold glass of water, put some favourite clothes on and had e-mail for pre-breakfast. It's satisfying whenever I go to bed at something like 2:00 am and not even 11 hours later there are 11 messages in my inbox, all of which have worthy content. Very satisfying pre-breakfast. Amazing how this internet thing has become such integral part of my life, and yet, take it away and I hardly notice.
On to food. I had a bowl of the just-cooled beans and a piece of my pumpkin scone, which is actually more like a fucking fancy bannock this time around. The pumpkin scone kind of evolved into bannock as I realized just a second too late, that the pumpkin puree must be COOL in order to work with the vegan margerine I'd cut into the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and dried ginger. Whoops. So I ended up having to add a ton more flour and the result was a very bannock-like thing, tasty indeed.
My recent resolution has been to eat three grapefruits per week as they're an amazing citrus fruit, very low in sugar, very high in fibre. I don't eat oranges as I'm allergic and well, lemons and limes are great in the cocktails and food and shit, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna eat a lemon for breakfast unless it's in the form of sugar-coated wedges with a chaser of vodka.
I've bought about ten grapefruits this winter and have eaten probably only one. I've just watched these grapefruits shrink and harden and wither and dry the fuck out over and over. Today, I ate a grapefruit and fuck was it ever good. I hate peeling citrus fruits, that's the major thing with me. That shit that gets under the fingernails is so sickening. Totally revolting. So from now on, the rule is that I cut the fruit into wedges and rip the fruit and pulp from the peel with my teeth. These are minor details that I MUST concern myself with, otherwise I won't be eating the grapefruits apparently.
I also drank a cup of hot water infused with fresh ginger and a wedge of lemon and a teaspoon of honey. Hardly vegan this drink, but so delicious and yes,good for you.
I haven't had very consistent breakfasts in the past week; I had a few cups of coffee at the start of the work week that I suspect really screwed with me; sleeping pattern was infuriating around Wednesday, my appetite's been wonky and I've had terrible issues with pain management. These are things I blame caffeine for. I switched back to yerba mate on Thursday morning and well, all my patterns just shifted from self-abuse to self-care. Got a massage on Thursday night, had a treatment involving Reiki and other types of spooky shit on Friday night and then went for acupuncture on Saturday morning. Now I feel like the leg I've injured is actually on the road to recovery. I've had issues with headaches but I feel like I'm turning a corner in that regard too, as long as I stay away from the caffeine and get proper rest and hydration.
I'm also happy to report that I can add berries to my repertoire of breakfasts. My latest acupuncture also involved a treatment for my berry allergy. Yesterday I drank a totally delicious cup of the "Nourishment Tea" that wreaked such terrible havoc on me only a month and a half ago on my birthday (the raspberry leaves caused my eczema to completely go insane, I haven't been the same since). Today, no eczema. My berry allergy has been eliminated!!! This means I can have raspberries in my oatmeal, strawberries in my Red River Cereal, blueberries in my pancakes!! It's a revolution. My room mate is so pleased, as she's a berry fiend and of course wants to share the joy.
I notice I'm fairly conservative about eating foods to which I've been prohibited for a long time, at least at the beginning of our reconciliation. I'll report more when I've become more bold about it.
So I got up, had a long cold glass of water, put some favourite clothes on and had e-mail for pre-breakfast. It's satisfying whenever I go to bed at something like 2:00 am and not even 11 hours later there are 11 messages in my inbox, all of which have worthy content. Very satisfying pre-breakfast. Amazing how this internet thing has become such integral part of my life, and yet, take it away and I hardly notice.
On to food. I had a bowl of the just-cooled beans and a piece of my pumpkin scone, which is actually more like a fucking fancy bannock this time around. The pumpkin scone kind of evolved into bannock as I realized just a second too late, that the pumpkin puree must be COOL in order to work with the vegan margerine I'd cut into the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and dried ginger. Whoops. So I ended up having to add a ton more flour and the result was a very bannock-like thing, tasty indeed.
My recent resolution has been to eat three grapefruits per week as they're an amazing citrus fruit, very low in sugar, very high in fibre. I don't eat oranges as I'm allergic and well, lemons and limes are great in the cocktails and food and shit, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna eat a lemon for breakfast unless it's in the form of sugar-coated wedges with a chaser of vodka.
I've bought about ten grapefruits this winter and have eaten probably only one. I've just watched these grapefruits shrink and harden and wither and dry the fuck out over and over. Today, I ate a grapefruit and fuck was it ever good. I hate peeling citrus fruits, that's the major thing with me. That shit that gets under the fingernails is so sickening. Totally revolting. So from now on, the rule is that I cut the fruit into wedges and rip the fruit and pulp from the peel with my teeth. These are minor details that I MUST concern myself with, otherwise I won't be eating the grapefruits apparently.
I also drank a cup of hot water infused with fresh ginger and a wedge of lemon and a teaspoon of honey. Hardly vegan this drink, but so delicious and yes,good for you.
I haven't had very consistent breakfasts in the past week; I had a few cups of coffee at the start of the work week that I suspect really screwed with me; sleeping pattern was infuriating around Wednesday, my appetite's been wonky and I've had terrible issues with pain management. These are things I blame caffeine for. I switched back to yerba mate on Thursday morning and well, all my patterns just shifted from self-abuse to self-care. Got a massage on Thursday night, had a treatment involving Reiki and other types of spooky shit on Friday night and then went for acupuncture on Saturday morning. Now I feel like the leg I've injured is actually on the road to recovery. I've had issues with headaches but I feel like I'm turning a corner in that regard too, as long as I stay away from the caffeine and get proper rest and hydration.
I'm also happy to report that I can add berries to my repertoire of breakfasts. My latest acupuncture also involved a treatment for my berry allergy. Yesterday I drank a totally delicious cup of the "Nourishment Tea" that wreaked such terrible havoc on me only a month and a half ago on my birthday (the raspberry leaves caused my eczema to completely go insane, I haven't been the same since). Today, no eczema. My berry allergy has been eliminated!!! This means I can have raspberries in my oatmeal, strawberries in my Red River Cereal, blueberries in my pancakes!! It's a revolution. My room mate is so pleased, as she's a berry fiend and of course wants to share the joy.
I notice I'm fairly conservative about eating foods to which I've been prohibited for a long time, at least at the beginning of our reconciliation. I'll report more when I've become more bold about it.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
in pain
I need to start eating dedicated breakfasts again. I've sort of had very little will to take care of myself, mostly because my right leg fucking hurts. It's so hard to take care of oneself when there is pain to deal with. When it hurts to take care of oneself.
I need to start eating dedicated breakfasts again, not only because it's "good for me", but because I've been overeating in a very self-punishing way and of course, when I was eating regular breakfasts, I didn't seem to do that kind of self-abuse. Overeating was just overeating, not some fucked-up morbid ritual of autobrutality.
I am stressed/anxious/etc., I do have to admit. New job, a deadline to meet, having a disability for the time being, things happening around me that definitely allow for paranoia. Not getting enough sleep. Being injured prevents me from working out in my usual manner, which is also a problem.
One thing I can do is eat breakfast, concentrate on controlling my diet and appetite. A relatively easy thing to do, and doesn't require an enormous amount of time in the sense that my breakfasts can be prepared ahead of time and "whipped up" within 15 minutes or less, normally. Grocery-shopping is an issue, but for the most part simply requires that I ask one of my more car-endowed chums for a favour in a time of real need.
Life is good; I'm just really overwhelmed by change at the moment. I'm also painfully reminded that sleep and nutrition are extremely necessary during such times of serious adjustment. I'm so tired that I couldn't care less what happens right now, so full of food that I can't sleep. ugh. Every time I stuff myself like this there's an extreme urge to fast the next day which leads me right into an extreme urge to stuff again. ugh. Must get a grip.
I need to start eating dedicated breakfasts again, not only because it's "good for me", but because I've been overeating in a very self-punishing way and of course, when I was eating regular breakfasts, I didn't seem to do that kind of self-abuse. Overeating was just overeating, not some fucked-up morbid ritual of autobrutality.
I am stressed/anxious/etc., I do have to admit. New job, a deadline to meet, having a disability for the time being, things happening around me that definitely allow for paranoia. Not getting enough sleep. Being injured prevents me from working out in my usual manner, which is also a problem.
One thing I can do is eat breakfast, concentrate on controlling my diet and appetite. A relatively easy thing to do, and doesn't require an enormous amount of time in the sense that my breakfasts can be prepared ahead of time and "whipped up" within 15 minutes or less, normally. Grocery-shopping is an issue, but for the most part simply requires that I ask one of my more car-endowed chums for a favour in a time of real need.
Life is good; I'm just really overwhelmed by change at the moment. I'm also painfully reminded that sleep and nutrition are extremely necessary during such times of serious adjustment. I'm so tired that I couldn't care less what happens right now, so full of food that I can't sleep. ugh. Every time I stuff myself like this there's an extreme urge to fast the next day which leads me right into an extreme urge to stuff again. ugh. Must get a grip.
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